Ketita (ketita) wrote,

Yay, and another chapter of Rewritten!

Title: Rewritten 2
Author: ketita
Previous Parts: Rewrite + Rewritten ch 1
Genre:Humor, Parody
Summary: The Show Must Go On! Because everybody knows (but nobody will talk about) the fate which awaits the unfortunate Characters who fail in a Mutiny...
Warnings: Full anime and movie spoilers, potential overdose of crack.

“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!” shouted the irate Director, waving an arm at the blank screen furiously.

“Where is the preview for the next episode? What happened to the script? Somebody is going to get fired for this, and it won't be me!”

The assembled Artists, Animators, Voice Actors, and the Scriptwriter all cowered in fear.
A terrified whisper scuttled around the table. “Somebody should answer him...somebody should speak up...”

Finally, feeling as though it was up to her to muster her courage (being the main character and all), VoiceActor(EdwardElric) squeaked, “It''s not our fault!”

The other VoiceActors all nodded vehemently.

The Scriptwriter, taking courage from the VoiceActors' success, decided to squeak up. “We...we don't know what's going to happen in the next episode...”

How can you not know?! You're the Scriptwriter! You're the one being paid to write it!”

“I did write it! But then I turned around and it was gone!”

The Director stared at him incredulously. “Then how, pray tell, did the Voice Actors know what to say?”

The entire table turned its collective attention on the Voice Actors, who promptly looked to VoiceActor(EdwardElric) to save them. She, meanwhile, was heartily regretting speaking up, and wishing she could alchemize a door to vanish out of.

“Don't worry, we're right behind you,” VoiceActor(AlphonseElric) whispered encouragingly.
“Well?” snapped the Director. “Speak up, that's what you're paid to do!”

“We just...winged it, I guess,” said VoiceActor(EdwardElric) hesitantly. “The words kinda came out by themselves.”

This explanation did not please the Director in the least, and he turned his fury upon the Artists and Animators. “So what script were you following when you drew the episode?”

“Well, you try drawing an episode while it's being aired live,” muttered an Artist. “It's not easy you know!”

“Forget easy, it's frigging impossible!

The table degenerated into murmurs, accusations, and counter-accusations.

“SILENCE!” the Director shouted, and sent a death glare around the table. “The Producer is demanding answers. We are going to get to the bottom of this fiasco,” he threatened. “And we are going to do it before tomorrow's episode is aired.”

He stormed out. Slowly all the others filed out behind him, leaving the morose Scriptwriter on his own.

The Scriptwriter had the feeling he knew what was going on. It was not well known, practically a legend among Mangaka and Scriptwriters, but it had a name, whispered among select circles:

- - - - - - - -


The camera zoomed in on Dante as she strode furiously down the nearly-abandoned streets of Old Central. It was all she could do not to murder Rose then and there just out of spite, but she still needed the girl.

How dare they Mutiny without her permission!

Rose was looking around nervously.

“What's wrong?” Dante snapped at her.

“I, uh, was wondering if, uh, the others were alright?” Rose ventured, trying to guess her lines.

Damn Rose for being a lousy actress, Dante thought sourly.

“I'm sure they're fine. Their skin color would help them blend in. You wouldn't be safe, though, since you're known as the leader of the rebellion.” Dante attempted to show her how to act properly.

Rose did not seem to be getting the hint: “Ah, uh, I am sad.”

They entered the cathedral. Dante had the feeling she was supposed to say something meaningful about it, but decided not to bother. Inside, it was cool and dark.

“Ohh, look at the pretty glass windows!” exclaimed Rose.

Dante pressed both hands to her mouth to keep herself from screaming in frustration. With an impressive show of self-restraint, she kept silent, and opened the secret passageway under the altar.

“But...I'm scared of the dark!” Rose gasped, pulling away.

Dante ignored her, and just pulled her downstairs. This was going to be a loooong Episode.

- - - - - - - -

“Dante's coming,” Lust commented from where she was pinned to the wall.

“We are ready for her,” Sloth said placidly.

Wrath grinned. “Yeah! Wait 'till she comes in, and then rip her to bits!”

“I believe the plan was rather more sophisticated,” Lust said dryly. “More along the lines of 'transmute something to hold her still so she can't do alchemy while we kill her as quickly as possible'.”

Envy smirked evilly. “It'll be a piece of cake, getting rid of her.”

Gluttony looked around, confused.

“You know,” Lust commented from the wall, “it might go a bit smoother if you thought of releasing me first.”

The other homunculi looked at each other, then shrugged.

“Nah, it's more fun this way.”

- - - - - - - - -

Footsteps echoed from outside the door, growing increasingly louder.

“Posts, everyone!”

The door opened.

Envy launched himself at Dante's head with a banshee screech, nearly killing her by causing a heart attack. Utilizing the distraction, Wrath transmuted huge stone hands out of the wall, attempting to grab Dante.

Unluckily, Dante was swift. She dodged the hands and prepared to attack, when a godawful noise shattered her eardrums.

“Ahhhhh, Oh my God, somebody HEEEELLLLLP!!!!!” Rose shrieked, cowering against the wall with her baby. The baby, realizing that this was his chance to shine, started wailing at the top of his lungs.

Gluttony looked around, confused.

Momentarily stunned by the shrieking, Dante slipped on Sloth's water and went smashing into a wall, much to the glee of the homunculi.

“I wanna fight tooooo!” Lust wailed unhappily, struggling against her bonds. “Not faiiiiir.”

“Disgusting ingrates!” Dante yowled at them while dodging more stone hands. “What do you think you're doing?!”

“Killing you, duh,”smirked Envy.

“Oh. Ok, then.”

The homunculi exchanged glances, surprised by the remark.

A large transmuted boulder landed on Wrath's head, another swiftly crushing Sloth.

“JUST TRY IT, YOU STUPID WORMS!!!!” Dante crowed.

However, Dante had forgotten that crushing Sloth was really rather useless, as Sloth was made of water. She recovered quickly, and attempted to shove herself down Dante's throat.
Seeing that the battle was not going her way, Dante transmuted a huge wall to cut the homunculi off from her, and prepared her exit. “You'll never defeat me,” she shouted at them. “I shall destroy you all!”

And with that kitschy rejoinder, she clapped her hands together and opened the Gate.


Roy lowered his gun and contrived to fix Edward with a look that was angry, hurt, and smug all at the same time. He failed miserably, and just looked constipated.

“Why, Fullmetal?” he asked dramatically. “Why did you run? Why didn't you turn to me for protection?”

“Because,” Ed retorted, “you're a shithead. I don't want my impressionable little brother near people like you.”

“Brother, that's not polite,” Al said.

Sick of all the hedging and wanting to get to his dramatic love scene, Havoc cut in. “So, are we lowering our guns?”

“Fine, fine,” Roy snapped, annoyed. “And that explanation is not acceptable, Fullmetal.”

“My name is Ed,” Ed snarked.

“Really? That's a short name.”


“King Bradley is a homunculus,” announced Havoc, still trying to get to the part where he and Sciezka fall in love.

Everybody stood stock-still, and stared at him.

“How-how did you know that?” Ed stammered.

“...It was in the Flashback...wasn't it?”

“King Bradley is a homunculus?!” Roy exclaimed.

“You stole my line,” Ed hissed at Havoc in annoyance. “And it wasn't in the Flashback. And you can't use the word Flashback Onscreen!

“So Al must have told me while everyone was shouting,” Havoc answered.

“Hasn't Al lost his memory?” Winry wondered out loud.

“Ah, fine, I give up. I'll tell you.” He took a deep breath. “It was a few days ago, in the camp. Alphonse had just come running in, with a chimera-girl hiding inside of him. Suddenly, from where I was hiding behind one of the pillars in the courtyard, I saw King Bradley stride toward him.” Man how he wished he could activate Flashbacks.

“He spoke to them for a short while, then suddenly he pulled out his sword and with amazing speed and cruelty stabbed Al between his armor plates. Blood gushed out as Bradley smiled at Al and removed his eye patch. I shuddered and barely managed to suppress my scream, when I saw that instead of an empty eye socket there was an eye with an Ouroboros symbol. 'I am a homunculus' he said in a tone which made my blood freeze in my veins-”

“Thank you, Havoc,” Roy cut him off.

“The situation is indeed grave,” Armstrong said, determined to save the others from their own horrible acting skills, and the Series from utter ruin. He ripped off his shirt and posed dramatically, sparkles glinting brightly. “I shall now use the Armstrong technique for cheering people up which has been passed down in my family for generations-”

“Al, what are you doing?!” Ed's horrified cry interrupted Armstrong's moment.

Everybody turned to the corner where Al and Alfons had retreated, to see Al guiltily holding a huge anvil above a bound and gagged Alfons' head. “Uhhh...nothing?”

Winry started hopping up and down with worry. “Al, put that thing down, something could happen to my anvil!”

Ed scurried over to Alfons' rescue and snatched him away from the jaws of death. “Al, you really shouldn't pick on people who are bigger and older than you,” he scolded, untying the rattled German.

“I don't think I like this place,” Alfons said in a rather squeaky voice, once his mouth was free.

“Poor thing,” Sciezka shook her head pityingly. “Here, have some more crumpets.”

Havoc's eyes grew bright with unshed tears. “I've never seen such kindness before! You must be the most compassionate woman in the world, as well as the most beautiful!”

Sciezka blushed prettily. “Oh no, I'm nothing but a simple bookworm...”

“Your modesty only makes you more beautiful!” Havoc took her hands in his own and stared into her entrancing green eyes.

“Oh, nobody has ever been so nice to me! You must be the best soldier in the whole military!”

Roy's eye twitched.

“No, I am just a simple soldier, though I do try my best to protect my fellow countrymen from evil.”

Sciezka looked adoringly up at his tousled blond hair and mischievous blue eyes and knew she was in love. “Havoc!”


“Barf,” Ed commented, pretending to stick a finger down his throat.

“Don't listen to him, my love!” Havoc said lovingly. “Let us leave this morbid place, build ourselves a beautiful life together and live happily ever after!”

“I'll follow you anywhere, my darling, even to the end of the world, as long as there's a library!”

Havoc contemplated complaining that she loved her books more than she loved him, but decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. This was as good as he was going to get, and he should probably make for the hills with her as fast as possible. “Very well, my love, let us go to our new life!”


Hand in hand they stepped out the door and ran for it.

“We'll invite you to the wedding!” Sciezka called behind them, as they attempted to vanish into the sunset but failed, as it was still the middle of the day.

“Such beautiful love!” cried Armstrong passionately, tears coursing down his cheeks.
Winry finished handing out anti-cutesickness pills to stop everyone's puking all over her previously pristine floor.

“King Bradley, homunculus, trying to kill us all. Remember?” Ed commented nonchalantly. “You should probably go and get rid of him.”

Roy frowned. “What do you mean 'you'?” If Edward stayed behind, Roy would be deprived of the opportunity to rescue him heroically, and prove once and for all that he was indeed the Main Character, not Ed.

“I quit the military, remember?”

“Ah, but don't you want to avenge Hughes' death?” Roy immediately felt guilty for saying it, when he saw Ed's stricken look.

“He...what do you mean...what happened to Hughes?

Finally, a dramatic moment. “He's gone,” Roy said softly. “He was killed.”

“No...” Ed sank to his knees, real tears filling his eyes. “Why didn't anyone tell me?!”

Furious that it looked like Ed was going to out-melodramatize him, Roy looked away, projecting dejection. “It was for your own good. I wanted to preserve what innocence you still had left.”

“W-when did it happen?” Ed cried. “Why? Who did it?

“I don't know,” Roy said grimly. “If I had known who murdered him, I would have had my revenge on them long ago, believe me, Ed.”

“Edward, I thought you read the script...” Winry whispered at him, wondering whether he was just acting (badly), or was portraying honest emotion.

“He's dead.... He's dead... Why did he leave me.... I can't believe he's dead...!”

Acting. Definitely acting.

“Leave you?” Roy cried. “He was my best friend! My only support! Without him, my life is meaningless! The promises we made each other...broken, all broken!”

“They are getting way too into it,” Liza said flatly, rather miffed that Roy was calling Hughes his 'only support'. What about her, dammit?!

Armstrong sighed. Yet another Onscreen faux-pas. They were hopeless.

Clouds of gloom had gathered around Roy and Edward, who were now glaring at each other and practically snapping in their attempts to outdo each other.

Thankfully, Hohenheim chose this moment to enter.

“Hi!” He beamed at the occupants cheerfully. All the Characters present (aside from Ed, Roy and Alfons who really wasn't following anything) shot him grateful looks for sparing them from having to stand around keeping straight faces while the angst-fest was going on.

Forgetting his grief in an instant, Edward promptly snarled and leaped at his father, kicking him squarely in the face. “What do you think you're doing here?!”

“Father!” Al cried, shocked. “Brother, what do you think you're doing?”

“Kicking him while he's down,” he answered gleefully. “Ah, say, where did we put that anvil?”

“You leave him alone. That anvil has done nothing to you,” Winry whined.

“I come to visit my children, and this is how you treat me? Speaking of which, what happened to the house? And where's Trisha?”

Fearing that Ed would have another reason to act dramatically without him, Roy spoke up. “What kind of parent are you? You don't have any idea of what your children went through while you were gone, I mean first their mother died....”


“I had no idea...” Hohenheim said fourteen hours later.

By now, the only people left in the room were Ed, Al, Roy, Hohenheim, and Alfons. The others had wandered off hours earlier, figuring that nobody would notice if they weren't around after the Flashback.

“Yeah, well, now you can see why we don't want you around.”

Al was still overloaded from everything he had seen. He had never expected to retrieve his memories so quickly.

“Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” Hohenheim asked, distraught.
“Well, I could use some help getting rid of those homunculi, they're seriously beginning to piss me off...”

“The who?”

“You just watched the whole seri- um, everything that happened to us, and you didn't notice the homunculi?!”

“Were they the ones who impersonated you in Xenotime?”

Ed ripped at his hair. “No, damn it! They were the ones in black who went around killing everybody!”

Hohenheim scratched his head sheepishly. “Oh, right those....You can't expect me to remember every single little detail! How am I supposed to stay focused for fourteen hours straight?!”

“Sheesh,” Ed shook his head. “Let's just find and kill them, alright? You go to the underground city, I'll go with Mustang and help get control of the military.” Shit, Ed suddenly realized. I said I wasn't going to do that...

Roy just smiled triumphantly.

“Very well. I owe you that much.” Their father stood to go. “I shall return soon, and then we can try to become a proper family!” With that, he opened the door and strode out into the night.


“That was rather cruel,” Roy told Ed, who looked away.
“It had to be done though, didn't it? I mean, we needed their cooperation for the Mutiny, and that was Envy's price.”
“He's our father, and you're just sending him to die,” Al said accusingly.
“He might kill Envy, though! And then he'll be fine. 'Sides, the stupid bastard left us first...”


Hohenheim strode into the ballroom under the old church and looked up at the woman nailed to the wall. “Hello. I'm looking for homunculi. Have you seen any around here?”

Lust thought quickly. Hohenheim was a powerful alchemist, and she was currently incapacitated. In fact, she had already been stuck on this wall for a week now, and was getting heartily sick of it.
“Actually, I don't believe there are any around here right now,” she said politely. “But I can tell you where to find some, if you let me down.”

“Oh, of course madam.” With a quick flash of alchemy, Lust was finally released.

“Well?” Hohenheim queried.

“Right this way,” Lust said, leading him out. “You see, the Fuhrer of the military is a homunculus. He has been ruling this country wickedly for years now.” This was her chance to get rid of that stupid Pride, and further their cause.

“Lead on.”




Edward wandered around Munich. He had been searching fruitlessly for Hohenheim for weeks now, and was beginning to think it might be better to give up on him and move on. Better see if he could find the rest of the movie cast needed to open the Gate.

He had finally found the castle which was the headquarters of the Thule Society. Everything was in place; the 'tragic accident' that was to befall the current leader would be happening tonight. He would be there to pick up the pieces after she was gone.

Five hours later he entered the castle. The screams could be heard even from outside and smoke billowed out of the windows. There was a gaping hole in the roof from where the airplane had crashed. Miraculously, the plane had managed to make a beeline straight for the leader, crushing her completely, and yet sparing everybody else who was in the room.

Edward strode in, and the attention immediately shifted to him. He knelt by the smoking remains of the plane, from under which only two legs protruded. Absently, he noticed that she had been wearing rather pretty red shoes.

He shook his head sadly. “I had hoped to arrive before this happened.”

Surprised cries echoed through the room. “What do you mean?!”

Edward straightened up and looked around solemnly. “There is a plot against us. I rushed here to try and warn you, but I was too late.”

“Who are you?” a young officer asked.

“Me? I'm the leader of the London branch.”
Mutters could be heard. “I didn't even know there was a London branch...”

“Since your leader has been killed, I am willing to temporarily take over her position until things quiet down - If you'll let me.”

With tears of grief still on their cheeks, the assembled members broke out in cheers. “Long live- ...uh, what's your name?”

“Benson. Edward Benson.”


----------------------------------------------------------------End episode 44. Tbc...

Notes: And once again, written with Jon. The beginning of this chapter was loads of fun to write, and I think my favorite bits are the ones with Havoc XD. This probably isn't going to run all the way 'till episode 51, but we'll see how far we get.
Boy, did alter!Ed turn out to be a cunning little bastard. I swear I hadn't planned to make him that way at the beginning...
I hope you enjoyed!
Tags: fanfiction, fullmetal alchemist

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  • Fanart!

    So I had the sudden urge to redraw the very first Hei/Ed pic I've ever drawn, now that I'm a bit better at drawing. Hope you guys like it!…

  • Mirrorworld 41 pt 2

    At Gracia's, he entertained the thought of avoiding everybody and immersing himself in a book in his room, childish though it might be. The only…

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